Still My Joy
by pandorabox82
Summary: A/U - Serena finds that the only place she can find any peace is not France, but Scotland, and as she tries to move on from the grief and anger of losing her daughter, she finds that she is blessed with a gift from the sea. But how will Bernie react when she finds her that gift?
1. Chapter 1

It had been a hard decision to leave the south of France for remote northern Scotland, but once she had gotten her feet back beneath her, she had found no pleasure in the constant sun, as if the cheerfulness that was usually associated with the sunlight was hindering her recovery, adding a falseness to her life that she knew she needed to excise if she was to truly recover from losing so much in her life.

Ullapool had been exactly what she had needed, she had felt it from the moment she had pulled into the drive of the home she was renting. There was something so peaceful about being on the edge of the ocean, hearing the waves pound against the shore, reminding her that there was a great and terrible beauty to life, and that that was what made it worth living. And while her neighbors knew that she was a doctor, and had started coming to her with little issues they had, she had shied away from allowing herself to be sucked back into that high paced environment right away, content to fill in at the local clinic when she was needed.

And so it happened that it was August, and Serena felt much more centered and grounded, though still no closer to being ready to return to Holby and the ghosts of her past that threatened to overwhelm her at the most inopportune times. There seemed to be a change in the air, though, and Serena just couldn't put her finger on what was about to happen.

Stepping out onto her porch, Serena breathed in the air, almost smelling the storm that was brewing out on the water. Picking up her tea, she took a seat in the wicker chair that she'd purchased in a charity shop in Ullapool and watched the horizon as the storm began to roll in. "I wish you were here, Bernie, but I understand," she whispered as she took a picture of the clouds with her phone before texting it to her partner.

Putting the phone away, Serena watched the sky until she finished her tea and then went inside, the wind just starting to really pick up. Shuddering a little as the suddenly too cool wind whipped around her body, she prayed that it wouldn't be too bad of a storm, as she hadn't bought adequate supplies if she was cut off from town for anything longer than a day or two. Though she did have three bottles of Shiraz to tide her over through the worst of it.

 _Looks like a real humdinger of a storm coming your way, Serena. Stay safe up there!_

Serena smiled as she read the text from her partner and sent a quick text back before plugging her phone into the charger and pulling out the open bottle of Shiraz. Pouring herself a generous glass, she padded into the living room and started a fire in the fireplace before curling up on the sofa and pulling a blanket around her legs as she watched the storm roll in. The wind was the worst of it, at the beginning, and she shivered again as the sounds of the wind cut through to the marrow of her being. The lights flickered on and off, and for the first time she wondered if they would lose power completely. The weather report hadn't sounded like the storm was going to be particularly bad, but that didn't seem to be the case as the sky darkened to black in a matter of minutes.

The whistling of the wind was dreadful, though, keying up Serena's nerves, and she reached out for a book on her coffee table, deciding to try and concentrate on something other than what was going on outside her storm. She only had to force herself to focus for the first three pages, and then she was lost in the story, eagerly reading until the power went out completely, plunging her into utter darkness. "Well, that's just great," she muttered as she dogeared her page and tossed the book onto the coffee table once more.

Getting up off the sofa, she carefully padded into the kitchen and set her wine glass in the sink, knowing that she'd have to wash it out once the power was back on. Sighing a little, Serena listened to the rain pelt against the window, sounding almost like ice, and another shiver went through her. Knowing there was no point in standing there, she traipsed back to the living room and curled up on the sofa once more, keeping her eyes trained outside.

Serena hummed lowly beneath her breath as she tried not to allow herself become spooked by the ever increasing strength of the storm. Her phone ringing caught her attention, and she shook her head free from her thoughts as she got up and made her way into the kitchen once more, pulling it off the useless charger as she answered. "Hello, Jason."

"Auntie Serena! Auntie Bernie said that you were in the middle of a terrific storm, and I wanted to call and make certain that you were okay."

Though he said his words matter of factly, Serena thought she could detect a faint note of worry in his voice, and her heart melted a bit to know that he was concerned for her. "I'm fine, for the moment, though the sky is putting on quite the show for me at the moment. I think that you can almost hear the rain, if I get close enough to the windows." She walked over to the window and held the phone to her ear with her shoulder as she opened it, hoping to allow Jason a better chance to hear what she was seeing. "Here, listen," she said as she held the phone out the window.

Faintly, in the distance, she thought she heard the sound of a baby crying, which was ridiculous, since Serena knew that neither of her neighbors had young children, let alone a baby. Frowning, she pulled the phone back inside and put it up to her ear once more. "I hope that you're seeking appropriate shelter, then, Auntie Serena. It sounds positively nasty out," he said as she drew in a few shallow breaths.

"I think that I'm going to bring a blanket and pillow into the bathroom with me while I ride out the rest of the storm. But I should probably let you go, my phone only charged to seventy percent before I lost power here. Tell Bernie that I'll be fine, and will call you both once this is over, all right?"

"Yes," he replied as she made her way upstairs to the bedroom. "Stay safe out there."

"I will, Jason. I love you."

"Love you, too."

They hung up, and Serena slipped the phone in her pocket before pulling the quilt off her bed and then grabbing both pillows before making her way to the bathroom, dumping everything into the tub before climbing in and curling up as best she could. Though she hadn't wanted to alarm Jason, she was a little worried about how strong this storm was, as it had been a long time since she had faced a storm this strong, and she knew that she had to take every precaution to remain safe. Even if she did feel like a right numpty for being so cautious. And there was the small issue about the baby crying out in the storm. She had no idea what to make of that, since it had sounding too real to be a hallucination. Shaking her head a little, she rested her head on the pillows and tried to tell herself that what she had heard wasn't real, and that everything would be all right.


	2. Chapter 2

Serena woke up, feeling uncomfortable and achy, to the sound of silence. The storm had stopped at some point, she surmised as she stood and stretched, trying to work the kinks out of her back. Still, it seemed like she had knots for miles as she trudged down to the kitchen and fished two paracetamol out of the bottle before washing them down with the dregs left in her wine glass. She knew it wasn't smart, but she didn't want to run any water with the power still out.

Running her fingers through her hair, she took a deep breath and went to the back door, opening it to look outside. There was a large tree down in the backyard, but other than that, there didn't appear to be too much damage. And then, clear as a bell, she heard the sound of a baby crying once more. Now that the storm was over, Serena knew that there was little chance of her hearing something created by the wind, but still, there was no chance that it was a baby. There wasn't anything that could create a sound like that in the wild, but it was crazy to think that there would have been a family out in the storm.

Shaking her head, she padded over to the mud closet and stuffed her feet into a pair of wellies and slipped into her slicker before making her way outside. Serena began to move towards the back of her property, but the sound of the cries grew fainter and fainter, telling her that she was headed in the wrong direction. A deep sigh left her throat as she realized that meant she would have to head towards the sea and try to navigate a bunch of sharp rocks on the shore.

Serena looked around for a long stick to use for bracing herself as she walked, knowing that the storm would have likely blown one her way. It didn't take too long before she found the perfect one, and she grabbed tight hold of it as she made her way down to the rocky shore. The closer she came to the water, the louder the cries were, and she began to wonder how anything had survived outside in the storm. Furrowing her brow, she paused on a large rock to look out at the area surrounding her. There didn't appear to be a child anywhere close to her, but she could still hear the cries.

Her shoulders slumped as she imagined having to trudge over more rough terrain, but if there truly was a child lost out there, she had a duty to find it and take care of it until family was found. Drawing in a deep breath, she squared her shoulders and once more took stock of her surroundings. Then, close to the water, she saw a glint of something, and she made her way towards it, knowing that it was her only real lead she had that morning.

She slipped once or twice on slippery patches, and gasped a little as she caught herself, knowing that she would be no good to anyone if she broke something. Especially since she hadn't informed anyone that she was out on a bloody wild goose chase. Her irritation at herself only increased when she completely wiped out on a slick piece of seaweed, landing heavily on her arse. "Dammit," she swore as she staggered to her feet, rubbing her wounded bum softly.

Once more the cries came calling over the wind, and she found her focus renewed. Shaking off her wounded pride, Serena reoriented herself and began to make her way towards the shore. It didn't take long for her to reach the waterline, and she looked around, trying to find the source of the sound. Finally, her eyes alighted on the body of a large dead seal, and as she crept closer to it, Serena realized that the body was curled protectively around an angry, naked, baby.

"Hello there, little one," she cooed gently as she crouched down to look at the infant. She appeared healthy enough, and at the sound of her voice, started to calm down a little, focusing in on her face with a skill that belied her apparent age. Serena started to frown, only to watch the baby mirror her expression, screwing up her mouth to let out another loud wail.

Unable to keep staring at the baby and doing nothing, Serena picked her up and gently tucked her in close to her chest, closing the slicker around them as she looked at the seal. While she had heard stories of dogs and cats protecting babies left out in the elements, she had never encountered a case of that happening with seals. A small niggling idea scratched at the back of her brain, but she couldn't recall what her brain was telling her was so important. It was a bit futile to try and bring it to the forefront, since it would just slip from her grasp like sand, so she brushed that aside as she turned and started to bring the baby back to her home.

Once inside, she took the baby upstairs to her bedroom and laid her onto the bed. The poor little mite started to shiver, and Serena looked around for something to wrap the baby in. Hurrying over to her closet, she pulled out a shirt of Bernie's that she had nicked before she left and then went back to the baby's side, wrapping her up in it and cuddling her close to her chest once more.

"I don't know where you came from, little one, but you appear to be in perfect health. Though I'll wait until you've warmed up a little more before I give you a more thorough examination. Now that you have something to wear, that should be easier to do." The baby gave her a small smile, and she smiled back before picking her up and holding her close. "You are adorable, darling. But I have to call you something. You look like a Ruth, to me, little one."

The baby, Ruth, cooed at her before closing her eyes. Soon, the weight in her arms felt much heavier, and she knew that the baby was asleep. Since the fireplace was in the living room, and the power still wasn't restored, she carefully made her way downstairs and created a small nest for her in front of the fire, quickly building it up once more so that Ruth would stay warm. Once that was completed, she padded over to the sofa and picked up her phone where she'd left it, noticing that her battery was now only a third full.

Sighing a little, she opened the notes app and quickly made out a list of things she would need to buy for Ruth, things that she didn't have at the house. First and foremost was diapers, though she figured she could fashion a nappy out of a dishtowel until she had proper ones. She also needed formula, a car seat, and clothes. As her list grew, Serena began to wonder just why she was thinking about spending so much money on a baby that she was not going to keep, and a few unexpected tears began to roll down her cheeks as she looked over at the small bundle so trustingly sleeping in her home.

"You aren't mine, Ruthie, but a part of me wants to keep you safe. I don't know how that will happen yet, but I do know that I won't let you go until I find your family. I swear that on my daughter's life." Brushing away the tears that were still falling, she closed out her phone and tossed it onto the coffee table once more before going over to the baby and sitting next to her, stroking her face and tufts of hair as she watched her gently sleep.


	3. Chapter 3

The power was restored just as Ruth was waking up from her nap, and Serena picked up the infant, holding her awkwardly as she went over and grabbed her phone and heading into the kitchen. She plugged it in before opening the fridge and trying to find something appropriate to feed Ruth. The only thing that came close was the few pints of milk she used for her cereal in the morning.

Pulling one out, she soon came to realise that she didn't have a bottle to feed Ruth with, and frowned. Serena wracked her brain to come up with a solution, before finally recalling that she had once read a study that said you could carefully feed an infant with a shot glass as long as one went slowly and gently. Setting the bottle on the counter, she opened the cupboard and pulled out the small glass. Knowing that she wasn't quite able to hold the baby and manage to pour the milk without spilling, she carefully settled Ruth on the table and kept an eye on her as she placed the bottle on the table before taking a seat and filling the shot glass before picking Ruth up and settling her in her arms so that she wouldn't choke as she fed her.

It was slow going, since she was only giving Ruth an ounce or so at a time, and she would need four to six for a complete feeding, but it worked, and Serena felt a small weight lifted off her shoulders as Ruth drank with a gusto that surprised her, taking six of the shot cups before refusing more. And though it had been many years since she had been around a baby, Serena found that she took to burping a baby like it was second nature.

"All right, Ruthie, what are we going to do with you? I don't want to head into town just yet, since there could still be some storm damage that needs to be cleaned up. So that leaves us alone for the next eighteen hours or so. Do you think you can handle me for that long? I know, you probably miss your parents, but I'll do my best to take care of you until they're found. Okay?"

Ruth gurgled and cooed at her in response, and Serena let out a soft sigh as she stared down into the baby's face. Again, she was struck by how present the child was, as if she could understand everything Serena was saying, even if she couldn't talk to her, but she knew that was preposterous. Still, she reached out and ran her finger down Ruth's nose as she considered what to do next. She knew that a nappy was in order, and she glanced around to see if there was a clean towel. Thankfully, she had left one hanging on the door handle of the stove, and she smiled as she went over and grabbed it.

Once that was squared away, she cradled Ruth close to her chest and went out onto the porch. The air was still and cool, and she watched as the waves crashed against the shore, humming under her breath. Ruth fussed and fidgeted in her arms until Serena maneuvered her to be able to look at the water as well. The effect was almost immediate, and she listened to her baby make happy sounds, waving her hands around as she continued to watch the waves.

Soon, Ruth began to settle down a little, nuzzling her face against Serena's chest before her eyes closed and her breathing evened out. She waited a few moments before pulling apart the shirt she had wrapped Ruth in and began to look her over once more. There was a fine tuft of reddish gold hair covering her head, and the faintest smattering of freckles dotted her cheeks in the oddest pattern. Serena had owned many a cat in her time and knew how whiskers appeared on their cheeks, and she almost could have sworn that that was how the freckles appeared on Ruth's face Which was ridiculous, since children didn't develop freckles until they were two or three years old.

A small part of her knew that things were not adding up when it came to Ruth, but she tried to push her more fanciful thoughts to the back of her mind, certain that there had to be a rational, scientific, explanation to finding a child on the beach and that she was just seeing patterns where there were none. There were so many other things that she could be worried about in this situation, like where the baby could have come from, where her parents were, what she would do if she couldn't find Ruth's parents, that being concerned about her appearance should be last on the list.

A part of her wondered if she should call Bernie, to let her know about what had washed up on her doorstep, but a part of her hesitated, since there was no way that she would be keeping Ruth, and why show off something that wasn't hers? "Oh, what I would give to have a second chance at being a mother, Ruth," she whispered as she traced her fingers around her features, doing her best not to memorise them. "I lost my only daughter not so long ago, you see, and while you might be a gift from the sea, you are not meant to be mine."

Tears began to pool in her eyes, and she pursed her lips together to keep them from falling, not wanting to disturb the sleeping baby with her sorrow. Still, Ruth began to stir in her arms, and Serena brought her closer to her chest, pressing a soft kiss to her forehead. Breathing in deeply, she thought she could detect the faint scent of the sea, and it soothed her frazzled nerves enough to where she stopped crying.

Ruth's eyes opened, quickly focusing in on Serena, and she smiled down into her face, not wanting to upset the child. "I wish that there was some way I could let you know what's going on, but that's not likely to happen, since you're still a wee mite, but I hope that the sound of my voice is enough to keep you calm. You're so beautiful," she whispered before tracing her cheekbones once again, the move already like second nature to her.

Ruth reached out and took hold of her finger, squeezing tightly as she pulled the digit down to her mouth and began to suck and gnaw on it. Serena fought to keep from wincing at the strength of the grip, having forgotten that babies could have an inordinate amount of strength. Still, she couldn't hold in the gasp that came to her lips when Ruth clamped down extra hard on her finger. In shock, she pulled her finger loose from Ruth's grip and shook her hand a little to try and relieve some of the pain.

"And you also have bite," Serena said with a chuckle, only wincing a little bit as she flexed her finger experimentally. "All right, I'll know to not let you stick my finger in your mouth from here on out, Ruthie. Now let's go see about giving you a bath before trying to feed you once more." Ruth smiled as Serena rose to her feet, and she let out a little sigh as she tried to tell herself once more that she was only holding onto the baby until they could find her parents.


	4. Chapter 4

Serena had spent a restless night as she found herself not wanting to roll on Ruth during the night, since she hadn't thought of a better solution of where to keep her while she slept. Still, it was a more comfortable night than she had spent during the storm, and she awoke feeling somewhat refreshed and with a clearer head than the previous day.

Sitting up, she stretched and yawned widely as she scratched at her stomach before rubbing her eyes with the back of her hands. "Good morning, Ruthie," she murmured when she saw that the baby was watching her intently. Ruth cooed and reached out her arms to her, and Serena scooped that baby into her arms and held her close for a few minutes before settling her back on the bed. "I need to get dressed, darling," she murmured as she slipped from the bed and padded over to the closet, picking out a blouse and fresh trousers before digging around in the dresser for a fresh set of underwear.

It didn't take long for her to change, and then she brought Ruth into the bathroom to change her nappy. She would be glad to stop into Sainsburys to pick up a pack of nappies and let Ruth actually wear appropriate clothes. Bending down, she pressed her lips to Ruth's forehead, once again breathing in the scent of the sea on her. Serena frowned a little as she finished changing the baby and then scooped her up in her arms, making her way downstairs to start a pot of coffee while she fed her.

Serena didn't find herself in the mood for anything very heavy that morning, and so pulled out a yoghurt and absently ate it while feeding Ruth, having finally gotten a rhythm down, just in time for her to hand the baby over. Shaking her head a little, she finished feeding both of them before burping Ruth and then heading out to her car. This was going to be the hard part, since she didn't have a car seat for Ruth. Grabbing a jumper off the hook by the door, she made a nest for Ruth, hoping that nothing would cause her to slam on the brakes too quickly. Still, she vowed to drive as carefully as possible into town.

Thankfully, it wasn't busy at Sainsbury's when she stopped, and too much money later, she had Ruth in fresh clothes, a fresh nappy, along with a stuffed animal and a new blanket to go with the car seat that had been horridly expensive, but safe. After securing Ruth in the seat, she got behind the wheel once more and drove to the GP's office where she occasionally worked. Picking Ruth up, Serena covered her with the blanket before heading inside and up to the receptionist's desk.

"Sarah, is Doctor Hobbs available? I need to see him about a delicate…"

"Ooh, I didn't realise you have a baby, Ms Campbell! She's an adorable little mite," Sarah said as she reached out to tickle Ruth's feet. Serena frowned as she shook her head a little, watching the woman's face carefully to see if she truly believed Ruth was hers. It was preposterous, given her age, to think that she had had this child, but it seemed as if Sarah truly believed Ruth belonged to her. "Well, then, where did you find her?"

"That's what I wish to discuss with Doctor Hobbs, in private. I'll be waiting in her office." She knew that her voice was a touch sharper than necessary, but it seemed to get Sarah to back down, as she nodded quickly while Serena stalked through the waiting room and into the back of the practice. The nurses gave her an askance look as she entered Doctor Hobbs' office without knocking.

The woman wasn't there, and Serena let out a soft breath as she sank into the chair in front of the woman's desk. Setting the blanket on her lap, she settled Ruth atop it so that she could look at the girl, not knowing how she was going to be able to give the child up. It was a dangerous thought, since she knew Ruth wasn't hers, but it seemed to take firmer root the longer she stared into the baby's eyes.

"Sarah tells me that you're in a right mood today, Serena. And she blamed it on your baby keeping you up too late after the storm we just came through."

Serena looked up into Kathleen's face and arched an eyebrow. "I don't know how many more people I'll have to say this to, Kathleen, but this is not my child. That's why I'm here. I need you to check her over and make certain that she's okay. And I hope that you've heard tell of a family who is missing their baby."

Kathleen gave her a look as she picked up Ruth. To Serena's surprise, the baby started to fuss and cry, something that she hadn't really done when it was just the two of them. "Are you certain this isn't your child? She certainly feels comfortable around you."

"No, Kathleen, I found her on the shore shortly after the storm ended, a dead seal curled around her protectively. I know that out there, some poor woman is desperately missing her baby, and much though I would love to claim her as mine, I want to reunite her with her mum."

Kathleen nodded as she brought Ruth over to the door. "Well, let's take her to an exam room and give her a once over."

Serena nodded as she followed after the doctor, noticing her nod to the nurse closest to them, and then the woman was following them in the nearest exam room. "Serena! What an adorable baby! How could you have hidden her away from us for so long?"

"Because she's not mine…?" she started to say.

"Yes, Serena claims that she found her out on the shore, by a dead seal." Kathleen and the nurse, Hailey, exchanged a knowing look, and Serena found herself frowning once more. It almost seemed that they were sharing a secret that was well known to everyone but her. "The sea gifted her with a wonderful present, but she seems determined to refuse that gift."

"Ruth is not a gift from the sea! She has a family who is missing her desperately, and I need to make certain that she is healthy, and then I can start searching for them, to reunite them." Again, the two women shared a secretive look that infuriated Serena, like they thought she was wrong for wanting to ensure Ruth returned to her kin.

"You've named her, Serena. Try not to deny this any longer. She is as much yours as she was the sea's, up until the storm knocked things out of whack. I remember you telling me that you take long walks along the shore to calm your spirit. Perhaps something in the sea knew that you needed this to heal your soul. Never turn your back on something like that."

The vehemence in Kathleen's voice told Serena that she honestly believed what she was saying. Which was a completely barmy thought, since gifts from the sea were an old wives' tale, something she held no stock in. Still, the earnestness with which they both looked at her told Serena that they were certain this child was now hers. "Fine, I will treat her as my own until we find her real parents. Will that appease the two of you?"

Kathleen and Hailey nodded in unison, and she groaned a little as she watched them look over Ruthie, knowing now that she was in for the long haul with this child. "You'll find that having a child this late in life was one of the best decisions you could have ever made," Kathleen said as she placed the stethoscope on Ruth's chest to listen to her heart, giving Serena a knowing, warm, smile as she continued the checkup. "And so far, she looks as healthy as a horse."


	5. Chapter 5

Serena drove home from the trip into town in a daze, still trying to wrap her mind around the fact that, for all intents and purposes, she was a new mother at fifty three. Somehow, she knew that no matter how many signs she posted in town about the baby, there would be no answer to her queries. That much had become clear when she stopped into Sainsburys once more to pick up a few essentials that she would need for a more lengthy stay. The clerk had almost instantly agreed with Doctor Hobbs that the sea had given her a precious gift that she would be a fool to refuse.

Shaking her head a little, she parked her car and opened the boot, loading up one arm with bags from the shops before opening the back door and managing to finagle Ruth into her arms before heading up to the door. It took a little creative maneuvering to unlock and open the door, but somehow she managed to do it, bringing Ruth and the bags into the living room. "What am I going to do with you, Ruthie? I have to bring your Moses basket in, and I'm not quite coordinated enough to do that with you in my arms. Do you think you would be willing to stay right there while I run out and bring in the last of things?"

Ruth cooed happily as she waved her arms in the air, and Serena took this to mean that she understood what she had asked, even though she had no real idea that that was the case. Rushing outside, she went to the car and stuffed the remaining parcels into the Moses basket so that it would all be easier to carry. "This was so much easier when I had Edward and Adrienne," she muttered when she stumbled over the top stair of the porch, wincing a little as she wriggled her toes in her shoe.

Ruth was whimpering a little when she dropped off the last of her things, and Serena rooted around in the bags for the set of bottles and formula, hoping that the baby was being fussy because she was hungry. Scooping Ruth up in her arms, she made her way into the kitchen and began to make a bottle up for Ruth as she bounced her gently in her arms. "You're such a good baby," she whispered as she looked into Ruth's eyes, feeling like the baby was staring directly into her heart. "Though I don't know what Bernie is going to make of you."

At the sound of her partner's name, Ruth's face lit up in an open mouthed smile, making Serena chuckle as she checked the temperature of the bottle, finding it adequate to give Ruth. Picking it up, she went to the table and took a seat in the chair, arranging Ruth in her arms and getting her to eat from the bottle. There was a small hiccup before she seemed to get the hang of it, and Serena sighed in relief as the baby greedily drank the bottle down.

Once she had taken her fill, Serena lifted her onto her shoulder and winded her, chuckling a little at the unimaginably loud sound Ruth let out. Glancing out the window, she saw that it was a lovely day out, and she decided to try using the baby wrap that the kind man at Sainsburys had suggested she get when she told him about the walks she liked to take on shore. She quickly found herself thoroughly confused by the contraption and let out a huffy breath of frustration as she grabbed her tablet and looked up how to secure the blasted thing so that Ruth wouldn't slip and fall out of it.

Finally, she felt like she had it right, and Serena gently slipped Ruth into place before grabbing her phone and keys and heading out the door. She paused at the road to look for cars coming, but the road was clear, and she scurried across before that could change. Once she had carefully picked her way across the rocky terrain, Serena kicked off her shoes and dug her feet into the cool sand as a soft breeze over the sea caused a spray of water to mist across her and Ruth's face.

Glancing down, Serena took in the content air that seemed to have settled on Ruth once they had gotten close to the water, and smiled gently as she lowered herself to the ground. Ruth began to fuss and kick her feet, and she frowned a little as she pulled her from the sling and set her in the sand between her legs. "Is that better, Ruthie?" she asked as the baby began to reach out for the water.

Ruth turned her head to look at Serena, and she was taken aback by the longing in her eyes. "We can't go closer to the water, darling. I don't have anything to keep you afloat with." Reaching out, she ran her fingers over her head and sighed a little. "I'm just not that confident of a swimmer. I hope you settle for a bath," she said a bit sadly as she took out her phone and snapped a few pictures of the baby.

Ruth frowned at her before looking towards the sea once more, her head resting against Serena's belly, and another sigh slipped from her lips as she looked through the pictures she had just taken. For just a moment, she was reminded so strongly of Elinor, and tears trembled on her lashes as she shook her head. There was no use to dwell on the past, since she couldn't change anything, but she could try and be better for this little one, at least for as long as she had her.

 _Did you survive the storm?_

She chuckled as Bernie's text appeared on screen, and tapped on the notification so that her messaging app opened. _I did. This was my first truly wild storm up here, and it is no joke! I could have done with a strong woman by my side, holding me through the whole thing. Then I might not have slept in the bathtub._

There was a short pause before Bernie replied with a string of laughing emojis, and she let out a scoffing chuckle, waiting for her partner's response. _I can see you doing that, Serena. Is there anything else new going on in your life?_

She bit her lip roughly as she glanced down at the baby between her legs. Bernie was even more practical than she was, so there was no way that she would understand that Serena had seemed to magically come into a baby from the sea, not when she still couldn't wrap her own brain around it. _No, nothing else new. Just sitting out on the shore, watching the sea._ After sending that message, Serena took a picture of her view to send to Bernie, hoping she found it as soothing as Serena did.

"All right, Ruthie, we should probably head inside now. You shouldn't be out in the sun for this long, anyway," she sang out as she picked up her baby and placed her back in the sling. Awkwardly, she got to her feet, holding Ruth close to her as she rocked a little, glancing over at the spot where she had found Ruth. The seal was gone now, and she wondered if the sea had reclaimed her child. And then, unbidden, her next thought was what if the sea wanted Ruth back as well? Shivering a little, she shook her head at the thought of starting to fall for the old wives' tale.


	6. Chapter 6

Somehow, Serena had lost track of time, and three weeks had passed in the blink of an eye. And though she had tried to keep in touch with Bernie and Jason, that had fallen by the wayside as she had focused on taking care of Ruth. Her partner had sent a smattering of emails and texts, and Serena had always meant to reply, but life got in the way, and she would become distracted and never get back to it. And she still hadn't found a good way to tell Bernie about Ruth, even though she wanted to send pictures of all the times she had found Ruth adorable. There was a growing folder on her laptop of Ruth and her exploits, catalogued by day, and Serena knew that she would show them to Bernie the next time they were together.

And it seemed like Ruth was just slightly accelerated for her age, though she didn't have a true birthdate for the baby. It just seemed like she was hitting milestones before Elinor had hit them. Which Serena knew was normal, all babies developed on a spectrum, but at six weeks of age, give or take, Serena knew that Ruth shouldn't be making the first starts on crawling. Even if the sand proved to be a good teacher for her in that regard.

Ruth also seemed to be getting the hang of conversation, even if she couldn't form much more than a coo with her lips. It seemed that she could make sing song sounds that told Serena precisely what she wanted or how she was feeling in that moment. It was a little disconcerting to consider herself talking to the child, but it had soon felt natural.

"All right, Ruthie, it's time to take a bath," she said in a lilting tone as she pulled Ruth out of the highchair and held her close to her chest. Ruth gurgled happily as she clapped her hands together, babbling the entire time she climbed the staircase. Using one of those floaties made specifically for baby baths, Serena let the tub fill with cool water, seeing as how that was what Ruth preferred.

"Tomorrow, since it's Saturday, we get to start swimming lessons at the public pool. I thought, since you loved water so, that this would be a good idea. What do you think?" she asked as she ran a damp flannel over Ruth's head. The baby smiled up at her, and Serena smiled back before starting to hum under her breath as she continued to wash the baby. One of the things Serena noticed was that her hair had started to become a deeper red in the few weeks they'd been together, looking less like Elinor now. That was such a relief, as she didn't think she could bear the constant reminder of her daughter when she first glanced at Ruth.

Soon, the water turned a little too cool for Serena's liking, and she pulled the plug out of the drain and wrapped a towel around Ruth before lifting her into her arms. Ruth started to fuss a little, like she normally did when she was plucked from the water, and Serena shook her head a little as she rubbed Ruth's back, heading into the nursery she had slowly started putting together since she had received Ruth in her life. Laying her in the crib, Serena bustled over to the dresser and pulled out a fresh dress before grabbing a new diaper from the pack on the changing table.

It didn't take long to dress Ruth, and then they were headed downstairs again, and Serena brought her into the living room, placing her on her tummy before taking a seat next to her. They were up to ten minutes in a stretch, but Serena was so happy that Ruth had not started to attempt turning over, since she knew that would make her more ambulatory.

Just as they were nearing the end of the session, her mobile rang, and Serena fished it from her pocket and sighed happily to see Bernie's name on the display. "I was just thinking about you," she said as she answered.

"That's good," her partner replied with a little chuckle. "So, have you given any thought to coming down for a short visit? I really miss you."

The longing in Bernie's voice nearly broke her heart, but Serena knew there was no way that she could go down to Holby with Ruth in tow. "I have to see if I can make that work, Bernie. I've somehow made myself busy when I just wanted somewhere to relax and recharge. Can you give me another week?"

"I would give you all the time in the world as long as it meant that you returned to me. How are things going up there?"

"It's so beautiful, Bernie. We are definitely going to have to take a holiday here in the future." Pulling the phone away from her ear, she put Bernie on speaker before flipping through her pictures and finding a snap she'd taken of the sunset the other night, but had never posted on social media. "Here, I'm sending you my view from the other night."

"I love the pictures that you send, Serena. I can almost feel like I'm there with you."

"I almost always picture you here with me, darling. Oh, there is so much that I want to tell you, but I want you to be here to do so. There are just some things that are not good to say when you're not here for me to hold."

"Yeah, I know that feeling all too well." In the background, Serena could hear Morven calling for Bernie, and she knew that their time was up. "Don't let so much time go by before we talk to each other, Serena. Okay?"

"I promise, I will try to do better, Bernie. I love you."

"I love you, too, Serena." They kissed into the phone before Bernie hung up, and Serena hugged her phone close to her chest as she looked at Ruth. The baby was holding herself up on her arms, her little head angled in such a way that she was staring at Serena, a happy look on her face.

"I might have to leave you with Kathleen for a few days, Ruthie, so that I can see Bernie. I miss her so much, but I don't want to introduce you to her just yet, if that makes sense. I'm not ashamed of you, I just don't know how to explain your sudden appearance in my life. I'll try to bring you up when I see her, but there's no guarantee that it will happen." Reaching out, she dragged her fingers through the tufts of hair on Ruth's head, curling a few pieces around her index finger as her daughter cooed gently. "But I know that the moment she sees you, she's going to love you. I just hope that I'm not getting attached too quickly, since we could find your parents at any moment. Christopher said that he's still looking for them, after all."

Ruth's gaze pierced her to the core, and Serena found herself starting a little at the ferocity there. "Though I think that you might just be stuck with me, darling. I'm certain someone would have claimed someone as cute as you." Slowly, Ruth smiled, and Serena nodded at her before scooping her up and holding her close as she opened the Kindle app and began to read a story to Ruth, wanting to calm her down for her afternoon nap.


	7. Chapter 7

"They closed down my trauma unit, Serena! With no notice, Nina just sweeps down onto AAU and proclaims that we cost too much to keep running, meanwhile Guy Self can have his own little pet Neuro Ward! That was the last thing holding me to Holby, and I did something in anger and frustration."

"What would that be, darling?" Serena asked as she squeezed one of Ruth's toys like a stress ball, trying not to think the worst. Ruth began to army crawl over to her, and she smiled sadly as she shook the toy in her daughter's face, watching her grab hold of it before stuffing an arm in her mouth and gnawing away happily.

"I took a secondment in Nairobi. They were looking for a trauma doctor to help set up their own unit, and since I was giving up my baby at Holby, I jumped at the chance. I know, I should have talked to you first, but I was just so fucking frustrated with how Nina and Guy are running roughshod over everything, and Hanssen was allowing them to, and I agreed before I could clear my thoughts. And they truly need me there, darling, otherwise I would have backed out when I'd had a night to sleep on it. I don't even think that I'll have time to run up and see you before I go."

A strange, icy, feeling began to flood through her veins as she began to comprehend what Bernie was telling her. Nairobi was on an entirely different continent from her, which would mean a flight rather than a drive to see Bernie, and that thought ate at her heart. "Nairobi is in Africa," she murmured, feeling stupid for stating the obvious.

"It is. And it's near the Equator, so it will be really warm there, but I'm accustomed to that, given the time I spent in Afghanistan. I would love to have you come with me, but you don't particularly relish the warmth."

"You're right, I don't. But it won't be forever, you'll be home soon, and we can be together." A part of Serena felt like she was grasping at straws, and she bit her lip in an effort to keep from crying. Still, Ruth seemed to pick up on her distress, since she started to whine lowly as she tugged at the hem of Serena's trousers. She looked down at her daughter and tried to smile, feeling like she was failing as she finagled the baby up onto the sofa next to her.

"Of course I won't be gone forever, Serena. Nothing could separate us forever."

She nodded, even though she knew Bernie couldn't see her, and then hugged her daughter close to her side as the tears finally started to fall. "You will let me know when you get there, right? I need to know that you're safe. Not that Africa is inherently dangerous, but if you hurt yourself at Holby, I could be on a train down there so quickly. It's a little different when you have to arrange a flight and all that."

"I know exactly what you mean. Now, before we both get soppy, I'm going to let you go. Just know that you're in my heart and I love you."

"I love you, too, Berenice." She quickly hung up and tossed her mobile on the coffee table before pulling Ruth onto her chest and closing her arms around her as she nuzzled her nose against the baby's head, breathing in the soothing scent of the sea. That was one thing that had never left her child, no matter how baths Serena had given her, and a part of her wondered if that was because she was a gift from the sea. "Oh, Ruthie, now I really am in a pickle. Because she's going to Kenya without us. She doesn't even know you yet, and she might never meet you, if she chooses not to come home."

Ruth gurgled a little before starting to make a more deliberate sound, almost like ma, and she sighed a little as she rocked them back and forth as she struggled to get control of her emotions. She had always known that there was a possibility that Bernie could find her wings and fly away from her, since she had enjoyed her time in Kiev so. But she had never thought that that moment would come so quickly, or when she was away from Bernie and so couldn't say a proper goodbye.

She didn't have any idea how long they sat there, but the next time she looked at Ruth, she was fast asleep in her arms, and Serena carefully got to her feet before carrying her upstairs to her room and placing her in her crib. She watched over her baby for a few minutes before backing out of the room and going into her own bedroom, throwing herself onto the mattress and having the good cry that she had been holding in.

When that emotional storm had passed, she scooted up the bed to rest against the headboard, picking up her book and continuing to read where she had left off. Serena only managed to squeeze a chapter or two in before she heard Ruth start to stir. Looking at the monitor, Serena tried to determine if she was getting up or just having a bad dream, only to watch her open her eyes and gaze at the monitor, as if she knew that Serena was watching her.

A loud cry began to tumble from Ruth's lips as Serena dogeared her page and set the book aside, scooting off the bed and padding over to the nursery. The moment she appeared over the crib, Ruth's cries abated, and she waved her hands in the air as she made excited noises at Serena. "All right, are you ready to eat, darling?" she asked as she picked Ruth up, holding her on her hip as they went downstairs to the kitchen.

After fixing a bottle for Ruth, Serena grabbed something for herself from the fridge before heading outside and going over to the bench and taking a seat. There was something peaceful about the scent of the sea in the air and the greenness of her garden, and a small semblance of the peace she craved after receiving bad news began to settle around her shoulders as she fed Ruth. "If only this could be our reality every day, Ruthie. With Bernie here, and Jason, and Henrik visiting us every so often. Oh, you would love Henrik, little one. Even if he is a bit taciturn, I have the feeling that you could melt him a little bit, and we might actually get a real smile out of him."

Ruth opened and closed her fingers in Serena's face as she ate, and she took this as an acknowledgement of her words, which made Serena smile a little wider in return as she carefully ate her own food as she tried not to dislodge the bottle from Ruth's mouth. Once she was finished eating, Serena winded Ruth before rocking her gently in her arms as she thought about Bernie hopping on a flight to a different continent, further away from her than Serena had ever wanted her to be.


	8. Chapter 8

Serena sighed as she put the finishing touches on her Christmas tree. Ruth was sitting in her little pillow chair, watching her intently as she plugged the fairy lights in, adding a homey glow to the room. Already, she had placed a few gifts beneath the tree branches for Ruth, along with the odd gift that had been sent for her from her friends and colleagues. The only thing that stung was she hadn't received anything from Jason or Bernie, but given the fact that she hadn't heard from either in the past six weeks, she hadn't really been surprised.

Shaking her head to clear away the hurtful thoughts, Serena went over to the sofa and sank onto it, picking up her wine glass and slowly sipping from it as she stared into the fire burning brightly in the fireplace. Since the weather had turned cold, they had had fewer chances to head out to the sea, and it seemed that Ruth fussed more and more as a result, so Serena had taken to spending more time at the public pool after her swimming lessons in an effort to keep her daughter happy.

Frowning a little, she wondered when she had started to exclusively think of Ruth as her daughter, and when she had decided that it was best to just cater to what the baby wanted, in a way that was much more extreme than how she had bowed to Elinor's every whim when she had been the same age. A part of her wondered if it was a result of losing her daughter, and knowing that she wouldn't be afforded a third chance to raise a child that allowed her to be a bit of a pushover, but she shoved that thought deep down into the back of her psyche as she tried to plaster on a smile for her daughter's sake.

A loud knocking came on her front door, and she looked over towards it, wondering who was stopping by this late a night, and only a week before the holiday. Bending down, she picked Ruth up and held her close to her chest as she padded over to the door. Peeking out through the side window, she drew in a happy gasp when she recognized the tall, lanky, body that was currently pacing back and forth on her small porch.

Hurriedly, Serena threw the lock and yanked the door open, eager to have Bernie back in her arms once more. "I didn't realise that you were coming for Christmas!"

Bernie paused before she turned around, and the happy smile that had lit up her face quickly faded into a troubled frown as she looked first at Ruth, and then back at Serena. "I'm starting to think that I should have come earlier, if I had known that there was going to be a new addition to us. Or did you forget to mention to this girl's father that you were in a relationship already?"

"Bernie, it's not like that!" she protested, gesturing for her to come inside, only for her partner to shake her head roughly. "Honestly! If I had given birth to Ruth, you would have known I was pregnant with her in the first place, since she's about seven months old now. Come inside, and we can talk about this like the adults we are!"

Again, Bernie shook her head, and Serena thought she could detect tears glistening on the woman's cheeks. She reached out to wipe them away, but Bernie pulled away from her before turning on her heel and starting down the few steps to her porch. "I just, you should have told me about her, Serena. This is a big deal, and you kept it from me, as if you didn't think I could handle the truth, whatever it might be. I, I, should never have come, I'm sorry."

Serena recoiled as if she had been physically struck, and she hugged Ruth tighter to her chest as great sobs welled up from her gut. "I still love you!" she called out after Bernie, seeing the quick, jerky, nod that her partner gave before she shut herself away in her car and backed out of her drive, quickly making her way into the night.

Her legs started to buckle as she watched her go, and Serena closed her eyes tightly as she fought off the wave of nausea that accompanied the keening loss of her partner. Ruth started to wail, and she bit her lip in an effort to stop crying, knowing that she was upsetting her daughter. As she managed to stop crying, Ruth began to calm down a little as she turned in Serena's arms and buried her face in the hollow of her chest. "It will be all right, little one. This was just a major shock to Bernie. Once she's calmed down, I'm certain that she'll call and let me know that she wants to calmly talk about things. I mean, I was the one who didn't let her know that you swam into my life all these months ago."

"Mama," Ruth said, her voice still sounding low and guttural, so unlike the babies she was accustomed to hearing from, but since Kathleen hadn't seen anything wrong with her development, they had both just gone with it. "Mama."

"I know, baby, I'm sorry that I upset you, especially so close to Christmas. But I promise, you are going to love Mama Bernie. She has a good heart, you know, and she loves people so deeply. It's just her fears get in the way of her feelings at times, and we have to help her see past those and see us as a package deal from now on. Maybe I really should have just gone down to Holby to see her off in September, to let her know about you then, but it didn't seem like the right time."

They drifted back into the living room, and Serena sat heavily on the sofa, rocking them back and forth in an effort to send Ruth off to sleep. It didn't take as long as she had thought it might, since Ruth had most likely worked off a fair deal of energy by crying. An old Christmas song came to mind, and she began to sing it lowly to Ruth as her eyes fluttered closed, her breathing evening out into a regular rhythm as sleep finally overtook her.

Carefully, Serena rose to her feet and climbed the stairs, settling Ruth in her crib before heading back downstairs and creeping into the kitchen. Grabbing a fresh bottle of Shiraz, she uncorked it and poured herself a large glass before heading back into the living room and flopping down on the sofa, putting her feet up on the coffee table as she grabbed hold of her phone and started to scroll through her Facebook feed. It seemed like everyone was enjoying a wonderful lead up to the holiday, and she fought back fresh tears as she tried not to feel jealous at everyone else's happiness when she was currently wallowing in misery.

And then, a post from Cameron caught her attention. He had posted a picture of Jasmine and Morven, and they both looked overjoyed about something. The idea of the girl happy, after everything she had done to undermine her growth as a doctor, made Serena feel a little bit better. Sighing deeply, she liked the picture before leaving a cheeky comment and then tossing the phone back on the coffee table, not wanting to see anything more that night.


	9. Chapter 9

Serena had no idea what time she went to sleep the previous evening, but the persistent sound of her phone ringing woke her up much too early for her liking. Groaning, she turned onto her side and reached out for the device, answering before she looked at the display to see who was calling her. "Hello?"

"Good morning, Serena!"

Jasmine sounded much too chipper that morning, especially since she was calling her, and she tried to keep in a groan as she sat up and reclined against the headboard, snaking her fingers through her hair as she drew in a deep breath. "Jasmine! How good to hear from you. Though I am surprised to have you call me out of the blue. Things were still tender between us when I left Holby."

"Yes, well, I understand why things happened the way they did. But you sound a lot better, and your pictures on Facebook are so beautiful. I'm kinda jealous that you get to walk out to the water every time that you want to," she said in a rush. "But pictures are actually why I'm calling you this morning. I couldn't help but notice that you liked Cam's picture of me and Morven, and I wanted to tell you the good news behind it! Especially since it's what you always wanted for me."

She let out a soft breath as she drew her knees up to her chest and stared at the baby monitor. It appeared that Ruth was still sleeping, which meant that she had a little more time to talk with Jasmine. "Oh, really? Well, don't keep me in suspense! What's your good news?"

Jasmine breathed in deeply, and Serena prepared herself for the next thing she said by pulling her mobile away from her ear. "I got a really great job opportunity at St Catherine's, in London! I wish that you were here for my going away party, but I know that you have your own life up there in Scotland. But, oh, I get to work on a really prestigious ward, and this will do wonders for my CV, and I really feel like you had a huge hand in shaping the doctor I'm becoming. Promise me, when you come back to Holby, that you and Bernie will take a day and come visit me at my new hospital?"

Serena's breath caught in her throat as she thought about her partner, and the impasse they were currently facing. Another jagged breath caught in her throat before she could stop it, and then she was trying to hold back tears as she answered Jasmine. "I don't know about Bernie, but I will be more than glad to come and visit."

There was a slight pause before Jasmine spoke once more, her voice soft and sweet. "Is everything all right between you and Bernie? She made a quick stop at Holby before she zoomed up to Scotland to see you, and it looked like she was a woman on the happiest of missions!"

The tenderness in the young woman's voice caused the first tears to start rolling down her cheeks, and she swiped them away harshly as she tried to find a way to answer Jasmine without completely breaking down. "I did something very foolish."

"Foolish enough to break your heart?"

Trust the young woman to be able to cut to the heart of the matter so succinctly, and Serena nodded a little before answering. "Yes. See, back in August, there was a terrible storm, and somehow I became the mother of a baby. She's been the best thing in the world for my recovery, and helped me to realise that despite everything that happened last year around this time, I still have my joy for Christmas. At first, I didn't want to think of Ruthie as mine, because I didn't want to get attached, but over the last four months? She's my daughter."

"And you never told Bernie about her, did you?"

"No. I mean, how do you explain to your partner that the sea gifted you with a child when you weren't expecting one, and that everyone you encounter is certain that she's actually a selkie in human form, and you are her sworn protector now."

"Practical Ms Campbell has a magical daughter? Will wonders never cease?" Jasmine teased, and Serena let out a choked laugh as she nodded. "That sounds so much better to hear. Have you tried calling her, to let her know you're sorry for shocking her? I mean, in the scheme of things, a baby is so much better than a beau!"

"Are you suddenly in your eighties?" she asked, listening to Jasmine giggle sweetly. "And there is no way I would ever step out on Bernie. I love her, she's the one."

"See? That is why I have no doubt that you'll be able to work things out, Serena. And as soon as you do, let me know, okay?"

"I will, I promise."

They spoke for a few more minutes, mostly Jasmine explaining what her new job would entail, and how she had already found a flat in a good part of the city, with access to the trains within a five minute walk, and how she couldn't wait to see a few shows and maybe meet some famous people at stage doors. "But if I happen to see anyone particularly famous, I might have to set my sights on them. I mean, wouldn't you like to be attached to someone famous?"

"Not really," she answered quickly, thinking about her Bernie. "I am quite content with my Army medic, thank you very much."

"Somehow I knew that you would say that, Serena. Now, I want you to hang up and text me all the pictures you've taken of Ruthie so far, because she sounds beautiful. And don't hold out on Bernie, either! Send her a few pics, let her see how much you love your selkie baby, and maybe she'll slink home to you. Morven knows her better, but I have this tiny inkling that she might have overreacted from her shock. I mean, I would be shocked, too. But give my love to her when you see her next, okay?"

"I will, Jasmine. And congratulations again. This is going to be such a good fit for you."

They said their goodbyes, and Serena hung up, letting out a deep sigh as she continued to watch the baby monitor. Ruth was still fast asleep, which allowed her to do as Jasmine had asked, quickly sending her a batch of pictures before scrolling through a little more slowly, trying to find the best pictures to send Bernie, to try and get her familiar with her daughter.

There were so many that she had taken, even though it had only been a few short months, and she sighed a little before her eyes landed on one that her neighbor, Mrs Mullins, had taken of them together. It was the perfect one to send to Bernie, to show her just how large a part of her life Ruth now was. They were on the beach, and Ruth was splashing her feet in the water as Serena smiled down at her in joy. It had been the last nice weekend in September, and the sun shone off the sea in a way that illuminated their faces, making them look almost beatific. Before she could chicken out, she pressed the send button, hoping that one picture would be enough to get Bernie to understand.


	10. Chapter 10

Serena had just finished making up Ruth's food when a knock came at her door. Frowning a little, she left her baby in the high chair before rushing over and seeing who it was. Bernie was standing there sheepishly, a passel of presents in her arms, and Serena threw open the door before turning on her heel and heading back to Ruth. "I dare not leave her alone too long. It's been a few years since I was around children this much, but I still remember the trouble Elinor got into every time I turned my back on her."

Bernie replied to her words, but Serena missed them as she disappeared into the kitchen, noticing that Ruth hadn't moved from her spot, which set Serena's heart at ease a little. "You really are such a good baby, aren't you, Ruthie?" she cooed as she took a seat next to her daughter and began to feed her the pureed pumpkin she'd come to love since introducing solids into her diet. She heard Bernie behind her, and she smiled as she turned her gaze onto her partner. "Sorry, I didn't mean to leave you alone, but…"

"I get it, you have to look out for your child, Serena. I just didn't expect this when I came back from Nairobi on holiday."

"And you think I was expecting a baby to just appear on the shore of the sea after a storm one August? I mean, I don't think of myself as a some sort of magical woman who can summon up a child from the sea."

"I think you need to tell me the whole story."

"Of course, but I need to feed Ruthie first. How about you make us a pot of tea, and we can make ourselves comfortable in the living room while I tell you everything that's gone on in the past few months."

Bernie gave her a small nod before starting to look through her cupboards. Serena allowed her to keep looking, since she wanted Bernie to become familiar with her home, hoping that familiarity would lead to comfort, which would lead to Bernie staying with her instead of going back to Nairobi. Even if they needed her more than Serena did. After all, according to that silly science fiction movie Jason made her watch, the needs of the many outweighed the needs of the few or the one.

Soon, the kettle was on the burner, and she was listening to her partner get together a tray for their tea, before she took a seat at the table, watching as Serena fed Ruth. "She has such beautiful hair," Bernie murmured as she reached out and stroked the top of Ruth's head lightly. Such a dark red."

"And she has a smattering of freckles across her cheeks already, she's had them since the day I found her. I keep using a baby safe sun cream on her, when we're out by the sea."

Bernie nodded as she stared at the baby's face intently. "They almost look like whiskers," she murmured, brushing her thumb along the spots on one cheek.

"That was what I thought, too," Serena replied as she continued to feed Ruth. There was a gentleness to the air, and she couldn't help but start to hum the first cheerful Christmas carol that came to her lips. Ruth waved her arms around with glee at the sound, and Serena glanced over at Bernie, seeing the smile that was tugging at her lips. "The kettle's about to whistle," she said absently as she fed Ruth another bite.

"How did you know…?" Bernie started to ask as the kettle began to let out it's high pitched whistle. Getting up, she poured the boiling water into the teapot before setting it on the tray. "I'll meet you in the living room."

"Of course, darling," Serena said as she brought another spoonful to Ruth's mouth. It didn't take too long to finish feeding Ruth, and then she was washing the baby's face clean of the remains of her meal before picking her up and resting her on her hip as she joined her partner in the living room. "So, it looks like you really did miss me," she commented when she saw just how many new gifts were under the tree. There were a few that looked suspiciously rushed in their wrapping, and somehow, Serena knew that those were for Ruth, which touched her heart, knowing that Bernie had went and bought things for her baby before even really getting to know her.

"Of course I missed you, Serena! You're my partner, how could I not miss you?" Bernie leaned in and caressed her cheek softly. "All right, I think that I need to hear the story of how you happened to become a mother at fifty three."

Serena let out a little chuckle as she nodded, resting Ruth between them as she focused in on her partner. "Well, there was that awful storm back in August. Remember, I called you?" Bernie nodded and Serena drew in a deep breath as she ran her hand over Ruth's head. "In the aftermath of that storm, I heard a baby crying. At first, I assumed one of my neighbors had a colicky baby, but when it didn't stop, I looked for the source of the sound.

"It didn't take me long to cross the street, since there wasn't anyone out driving." Bernie went to interrupt her, but Serena shook her head as she reached out to caress Bernie's arm. "I know, people usually stay homebound after a particularly bad storm, which this was. Anyway, I managed to pick my way down to the shore, and there, on the sand, was a dead seal and Ruthie, curled together like they belonged to each other. You know me, I couldn't just leave things alone, so I took her home with me."

"You didn't even have a bottle, did you?"

Serena shook her head as she gazed down at her daughter. "I did a lot of online research that first day, since I didn't want to travel so soon after the storm, and found out if you're persistent and careful, you can use a shot glass to feed an infant."

"You didn't!"

"What other choice did I have? Ruthie had to eat, and there was no other way to do it. But she is definitely my little water baby. She gets cranky if she's not in the water at least once a day, either in the sea or in the bathtub. I don't know what we're going to do when it gets cold out, and she can't be outside."

"That doesn't make her a selkie baby, Serena," Bernie said lowly as she ran her fingers through her hair, pushing it behind Serena's ear as she looked deeply into her eyes. "You do know that, right?"

"I do, yes, but…I can't explain her existence, Bernie. You know me, you know I wouldn't just pull a story like this out of thin air, but there is nothing else to explain where a baby comes from in this case. I searched for her parents, someone would be missing a baby that young, but nothing ever came of the notices I put up, or the internet searches I did. And now, I'm kind of attached to the little bean."

Bernie smiled as she nodded, reaching out to tweak Ruth's nose gently before gazing at Serena. "I can completely understand, Serena. But I guess that this answers my next question, huh?"

"That all depends on what your next question might be."

"If you'll go to Nairobi with me, after the holiday. But the job I would want you to do is no place for you and Ruth. So I'm just going to enjoy my time here with you, and we'll take it one day at time, yeah?"

Serena nodded as she leaned over and kissed Bernie softly. "That's all we're ever given, so that's all I'll take," she whispered as she rested her forehead against her partner's, thankful that she seemed a little more at ease with the choice she had made.


	11. Chapter 11

"It's Christmas Eve, Serena. Can't we allow Ruthie to open one gift?" Bernie wheedled, and Serena's sigh turned into a chuckle as she shook her head. "Why not?"

"We're not the Royal family, Berenice. We can wait to open our gifts on the proper day," she teased as she looked at her daughter, sleeping contentedly in Bernie's arms. "Besides, she's sound asleep now, why don't you just go put her in her crib and then come back to me?"

"All right," Bernie said as she gracefully rose to her feet and left the room. While she was gone, Serena topped up their wine glasses, finishing off the bottle, which she recorked and set to the side of the table before making herself comfortable in her corner of the sofa.

Bernie ambled back into the living room, and Serena smiled a little as her partner sank down onto the opposite end of the sofa, her feet automatically coming to rest in Serena's lap. "Did she fuss at all when you laid her down?"

"Not even a whimper," Bernie answered before she turned and grabbed her wine glass, taking a small sip from it before leaning her head back and staring up at the ceiling. "You know, I've been thinking."

"About what?" Serena asked as she began to softly rub Bernie's feet, turning her focus on her partner's face. A mix of emotions ran across Bernie's features as Serena watched, and she softly scratched the bottom of her foot to get her attention. "Bernie? What have you been thinking about?"

She cleared her throat a little before looking up, meeting her eye steadily. "The desert messes with your head. There's something about the stretches of sand that spread out in front of you, seeming to go on forever. In your mind, you know that that's not the truth, that there is an end, that there is somewhere green waiting for you when you have the opportunity to go home, or you're on leave, or you head to a different part of the country. But that's cold comfort to a suspicious heart.

"And the tales of things that happen in the desert slowly start to chip away at your surety of a rational, knowable, world. Once those tales start to get under your skin, to bleed into your soul, you start to see things where there might not be anything. You start to give credence to the ancient tales the speak of giant men who roam in the wilderness at night, killing anyone who is outside his home, when one of your group is found dead in the morning, and there's not been any hint of insurgents in the area."

"That much nothing would get to me, too," Serena murmured as she continued to rub Bernie's feet. "And I pride myself in thinking most rationally."

"I know, darling." Bernie drew in another deep breath. "But that's not the only thing, or even the largest thing. The Afghani people are very superstitious. Very. It took a lot of getting accustomed to while I was deployed there, since as a medic, I was working with the local populace as well, and so got to know them quite well. The largest thing that they would talk about where the djinn. How the djinn were always around you, and that they were harmless during the day, but you needed to take care wandering around at night." She trailed off before letting out a heavy sigh. "I guess, what I'm trying to say, is I can understand why you think she's a selkie child. And while the rational part of our brains try to deny it, there's something about the circumstances of her appearance that speak to us on that underlying part of our brain that we don't like to acknowledge."

Serena nodded, feeling a little more at ease with the whole situation, now that it seemed like Bernie was starting to see things a little more openly. "I try to convince myself that there more rational explanations for Ruthie, but…I'm just glad to know that you also know about the stories we only tell at night," she whispered before pushing Bernie's feet out of her lap and reaching over to grab her own wine glass. "When we've finished these, we should head up to bed. I want to spend some time exploring your body once more. I mean, you did get that opportunity with me last night…"

She let her voice trail off suggestively, watching Bernie give her a knowing smirk before she took a large sip of the wine. "Maybe I want to open a few presents tonight?" she said before licking her lips, Serena watching her closely the entire time. "I mean, we only have so much time together, before I go home, and you stay here."

The hangdog look in Bernie's eyes made her sigh lightly. "I wish that I was ready to be back at Holby, but there are demons that I still haven't put behind me yet. Ruth is helping with that, but there's still some work I need to do on myself before I can start to think of returning."

Bernie gave her a sad smile before getting to her feet and heading over to the tree. Serena couldn't help but stare at the curve of her bum as she knelt to pick up a present from the pile. She tilted her head to one side as she tried to figure out just what Bernie had in her hands, since it was so small. "Here, open this."

Serena took the small box from her partner's hands, watching as she sat down next to her once more. "What is this?" she murmured, looking between the box and Bernie.

"You need to open it to find out, Serena." The droll tone in her voice caused Serena to roll her eyes a little as she ran her thumbnail beneath the tape to break the seal. "Are you always this slow at opening presents?"

"Well, you don't want to rush something like this, darling. The best things in life should be savored. Wine, chocolate, gifts, you." She made certain to lower her voice an octave, knowing that the husky sound of it drove Bernie wild. And just like she had known, her partner began to blush deeply, even as her tongue darted out to lick her lips, deliberately provocative. As she shifted her hips a little, Serena pulled the paper off the small box and set it on the coffee table before taking a look at it.

"It's not going to bite."

"No, but I'm hoping that you are, later." They both giggled at her ribald comment, and then Serena flipped open the lid to reveal the last thing she had expected. "Bernie?"

"I know the necklace that you always wear was given to you by your father, and that you might not want to exchange it for another, but I saw this and thought of you and Elinor, and how you'll always hold her close to your heart, how she'll forever be your baby."

Bright tears flooded her eyes, and she nodded a little as she closed the box and leaned forward, wrapping her free arm around Bernie, pulling her into a tight hug before claiming her lips in a crushing kiss. "I love you so much, Bernie. And I don't know what I ever did to deserve you in my life."


	12. Chapter 12

Serena was the first to wake up Christmas morning, and she sighed deeply as she turned to look at Bernie in her bed. The woman was sprawled out on her half of the mattress, though she did have one arm thrown around her waist, almost possessively. It felt so right to have her in her bed that Serena didn't want to disrupt her sleep. And then she glanced over at the baby monitor and saw that Ruth was starting to stir. Smiling a little, Serena leaned down and pressed her lips against Bernie's forehead before slipping out of the bed and wrapping her robe around her body before traipsing over to Ruth's room.

"Mama," her daughter breathed out as she held out her little arms, and Serena nodded as she made her way over to the crib and picked her up, taking her over to the changing table and quickly putting a fresh nappy on her. Once she was clean, Serena put her in a fresh outfit, befitting the season, and brought her back to the bedroom.

"Keep Mama Bernie company while I start coffee for us and a bottle for you," she whispered as she settled Ruth into the crook of Bernie's arm. As she watched, her partner instinctively tightened her arm around the baby, a content smile spreading across her lips. "You two are my heart," she said as she backed out of the room and then made her way downstairs.

It didn't take long for her to pull everything together, and then she was carrying a tray upstairs, wondering if Bernie had woken up yet. Pausing outside the bedroom door, she listened to the low sound of Bernie's voice talking to Ruth. In that moment, Serena felt like her heart would burst from love, and she let out a little sigh of pleasure as she toed open the door and sailed inside.

"There you are! I thought perhaps you had been called to the sea when I woke up and found the little one in your place."

She shrugged a little as she went over to the bed, holding out the tray to her partner. Bernie sat up and took hold of it, allowing Serena to join her once more. Slipping beneath the sheets, she picked up the bottle and arranged Ruth so that she could eat while they drank their coffee. "A selkie's life might be peaceful, Bernie. We don't really know."

"I can't see you as one to live beneath the waves for the rest of her life. After all, where would you find wine down there?"

"Touché," she replied as she sipped at her coffee. "So, I didn't really plan on having anyone here today, so I didn't buy any supplies for a large supper. I think there might be a Chinese place that's open, if we want to get something to eat. Otherwise, it will be rummaging through the provisions I have here. Plus, tomorrow is a bank holiday, so we won't have any good options then, either."

"I could go for Chinese later on. Remind me to call before they close."

Serena nodded as she made herself comfortable on the bed. As she looked down at Ruth, she was overcome by a wave of longing. This was what she wanted from her life, bucolic mornings like this where she could spend time with lover and child, before the world intruded on them. Letting out a soft breath, she let her head drop down onto Bernie's shoulder. "If I were to come home to Holby, would we have mornings like this?"

"I would love to have mornings like this with you, no matter where you choose to settle down."

Serena filed that away in the back of her mind before she drew in a deep breath. "Then if I want to stay and make a life here, by the sea, you would join me?"

There was a long pause, as if she hadn't thought that Serena might ask that of her. "It might take me a while, but I suppose that I could do that."

The hesitancy took Serena by surprise, since she had thought that it would be an instant yes. Pulling away from Bernie a little, she looked into her lover's eyes, trying to read what she was feeling. There was a hint of reticence buried in her gaze, and Serena pursed her lips as she reached up to run her thumb over the pendant Bernie had gotten her. "I suppose that I'll have to be all right with that, then." She affixed a bright smile to her lips as she fiddled with pendant.

Bernie turned her head, and Serena felt her lips brush against her forehead, and they sighed in tandem. "It's going to be hard finding our way again, isn't it?"

"Yes. But that's life. And we always work for what we want to have. And I want to have you in my life, so guess what? I'm not giving up on you. Not now, not ever. I love you, full stop." Serena lifted her head and pressed her lips to Bernie's jaw. "Now, let's finish our coffee and head downstairs to make breakfast. I still have some bacon left over."

Bernie's stomach grumbled, and she laughed as she sat up, checking to see how Ruth was doing with her bottle. Her daughter gurgled and cooed as she tossed the bottle aside, completely empty, and Serena sucked in a shallow breath as she tried to tell herself that that was a completely normal thing for a baby of that age. Shaking her head a little, Serena slipped out of bed and made her way over to the door. "I suppose that I'm the one left holding the baby?"

"Well, I am the one who will be making you breakfast."

Bernie laughed, and she knew that her lover would be following in her footsteps as they went down to the kitchen. As she began to pull together a filling breakfast, Serena thought about their earlier conversation. Bernie didn't want to stay here, which she supposed that she understood somewhat. They were in a most remote area, and there wasn't the excitement that a place like Wyrven or London could offer. Though she had grown accustomed to that pace of life in the many months that she had been here, it was a bit much to ask that Bernie just pack up everything and relocate here.

She didn't realise that she was crying until she noticed spots of water dotting the counter. Taking a deep breath, she quickly swiped at her eyes to brush the tears away. This was the proverbial rock and hard place, and she knew that she had a decision to make about how to move forward from here. The hesitancy in response to staying here had truly told Serena all she needed to know about how things stood, and she took a few deep breaths as she turned to look at Bernie and Ruth, pasting a wide smile on her lips.

"Seeing as how it's Christmas, and I don't really have a gift here for you, how about we call your gift this? Let's head home to Wyrven after the holidays, and see how life goes from there?" Bernie gave her a knowing look, and she shook her head. "I think that it's time to stop running and start facing my sorrow. It's been long enough."

Bernie smiled sadly at her before coming over to her side and wrapping her in a tight hug. "I'm tough, I want to be able to handle anything that you throw at me, but this doesn't seem like it's your true wishes, and I don't want to force you into doing something you don't truly want."

"I do want this. I just feel like it will take me a little bit to get accustomed to a more frantic pace once again. But I need to do this. Okay?" Bernie nodded, and then leaned in to kiss her softly. "Happy Christmas, Bernie," she whispered against her lips before turning back to the bacon, not wanting it to burn, or for her lover to see her start to cry once more.


	13. Chapter 13

Serena had found herself grateful for Bernie's presence as the next two weeks passed, since she was more than willing to help her pack everything up in the little house Serena had been renting. Between their two vehicles, they managed to get everything ready to go back to Holby. And then, it was the last night she would spend in her little house, and Serena found herself feeling like she was coming apart at the seams. Ruth had seemed to pick up on her angst, as she became very fussy, even when Serena was cuddling her close to her chest.

"It's like she doesn't want to say goodbye," Bernie said as she came up to Serena, slinging her arm around her waist as she let her head come on Serena's. "What do you think might calm her?"

"A walk by the sea." Bernie nodded and took Ruth from her arms. Serena gave her a grateful smile as she went over to the coat hooks, shrugging into her coat as she stepped into her boots. After tying them, she reached for Ruth, getting her into her coat before heading outside. As she headed for the beach, she could hear Bernie closing the door before jogging to catch up with her. "I didn't expect you to come along," she murmured as they climbed over the rocks to get as close to the water as possible.

"I didn't realise that I wanted to until you were heading down the steps. And then it felt like I had to join you for some reason." Serena nodded as she reached a spot as close to the water as she could get without getting wet before taking a seat. She knew that it would be a bitch to get the sand out later, but she wanted to spend as much time near the water before they had to start for home the following day. Bernie settled down next to her, cuddling her close in order to share her body heat as the wind whipped past their cheeks.

"I didn't think that it would be so cold out," she said, trying to be clear, even though her teeth were chattering quite badly. "I've only been out here for fifteen minutes, and I can't really feel my feet."

"There were nights like that in the desert," Bernie said as she rubbed her hand briskly up and down Serena's arm. "The wind would just cut right through you, reminding you that even though it was so damn hot in the morning, you could still feel like you could freeze to death while sleeping. Would you like me to get a blanket from inside so that we can be out here longer?"

"That might be nice, darling."

Bernie nodded as she got to her feet, brushing her bum off before jogging back to the house. Serena turned her attention back to the water, watching the waves lap at the shore. It was a surprisingly sunny day, after all the gloom of the winter, and she turned her face up to the sun, allowing the light to soak into her skin. She felt so at peace here, like she had found her joy once more. But she supposed that she could take what she had found here and apply it to her life back at Holby. After all, Henrik had said that her position was waiting for her as soon as she got back, since they were still chronically understaffed, though she had been warned that some things were precariously perched, given the power struggle that was going on between him and Nina Kartik. She wasn't ready to head back into that fray, she mused.

Ruth fussed in her arms a little, and she turned her around so that she could view the sea as well, pulling her daughter close against her chest as she rocked them back and forth a little. "Ruthie, I hope that I'm making the decision here. This is all you've ever known, and now I'm bringing you into a totally different environment. I promise, though, you'll love my friends, and my nephew, your cousin. Jason's amazing, he had to overcome so much in his life already, that he'll be able to help you when you get older and are navigating your way through the world."

Serena let out a little sigh as she rested her chin lightly on top of Ruth's head, letting silence slip over her as easily as the water slipping over the shore. There was something about the water that soothed her, much like it soothed Ruth, and she wondered where she might find that solace once she was back in her home. There weren't any great bodies of water like this, after all, the closest lake was small in comparison. Her reverie was broken when a warm blanket was dropped around her shoulders, and she watched Bernie take a seat next to her once more, wrapping her end of the blanket around them all as they turned their gaze to the water once more. A deep sigh tore from her throat as she rested her head on Bernie's shoulder, drawing in the scent of the sea, and she allowed her eyes to flutter closed as she soaked in the ambience.

"We should probably head inside," Bernie finally said, getting to her feet. "This blanket is warm, but not enough to keep the wind out for much longer."

Serena nodded as she held up her hand, letting Bernie pull her to her feet, even as she held Ruth close to her chest. They linked arms as they walked back to the house, and as she crossed over the rocky barrier, she paused to turn and take one last, longing, look back at the ocean, almost certain that she had heard someone whisper her name. There was no one there, but she could see the faint splash on something slipping beneath the waves once more, and she shook her head, trying to push out the insane notion that she had been given the blessing of whoever had left her care over Ruth out of her brain.

"Serena?" She snapped her head around to see that Bernie was watching her intently, a questioning look on her face. "Is everything okay?"

"Oh, yes, I just thought I heard someone call my name there for a moment. It's silly, I know. There's no one around, but…"

"It felt so real." From the way Bernie's eyes took on a far away look, she knew that she was remembering a time she had felt the same eerie feeling. "There were times in the desert that I thought I could hear someone call my name as well. It creeps you out the first time, but then you hear whispers around camp that others have heard something on the wind as well. You learn not to listen to the wind whisperers. Nothing good comes from them."

Serena shivered as she nodded, allowing Bernie to wrap the blanket around her shoulders once more as they made their way across the road and into the house. "Maybe it's a good thing, then, that we're going back to Wyrven and leaving this place behind." Bernie gave her a small nod before closing the door and leading her into the living room, starting a final fire in the fireplace to warm them up before one of them would have to pull together lunch. And as the crackling sound of the fire filled her senses, Serena tried to focus on the warmth emanating from the hearth, telling herself over and over that this was the best thing for her and her family.


End file.
